Transitions and Doorways
“When one door closes, another door opens.”
Yeah, but what about the door that’s closing??!! What might be ending that we are having a hard time accepting or moving through?
We like to look for the next open door. It’s what we do to find our way forward. However, I wonder if in times of transitions, we might need to look back at the door that’s closing and what is ending in our lives - a relationship, career, a way of life, a gender, an addiction, a death, a divorce, an empty nest, a dysfunctional work team.
I wonder if, in some instances, we need to say goodbye first.
The picture above is of my father, my brothers and me. I’ve been through tons of transition. From adolescent to adult. From working in a non-profit to becoming a priest. From being a priest to entering the workforce again. From working for an organization to being self-employed. From having a vibrant dad, to a dad who is having memory and mobility issues.
Yes, my dad is probably in some stage of dementia/memory loss. It is probably one of THE hardest transitions I’ve ever gone through. I must admit. I don’t want this door to close. I want his memory back. I want him back to the way I’ve always known him and loved him. I don’t want to move forward, yet, is staying in the past really an option. I guess it is. I can be an ostrich (bury my head), but what good does that do?
Transitions are not easy. I don’t believe they are supposed to be. However, I do believe that they contain lessons to be learned, wisdom to be gained, and getting to know myself in a whole new way. Not only is my dad transitioning, but so am I.
Growing pains are hard, but they are growth. Something is maturing in us. Something is becoming more of what it is supposed to be. Growing pains require patience. Growing pains require me to slow down and take notice. In my adolescent years, my joints hurt during that time. I had to go through it in order to grow, to become. It’s all part of the process we call life.
I can’t stop what’s happening to my father, nor can I go back. I can only do these things:
In looking back, be grateful for what has been. Grieve, if necessary too.
Look deeply at the present moment/experience, as difficult as it may be. You will be glad you did. Notice who you are and who they are in that moment.
Be present to where you are being called to. What are you being asked for yourself or for the other person(s)?
Move with great integrity and purpose through the transition, as if your life depended on it. Become more of who you are! Grow!
In moving forward after being a priest, I have stepped more purposefully into my own authenticity and integrity.
In moving forward with my dad, I have appreciated who he has been (and still is) for me, and I get to give him as much love and care as he has given me all of my life. I get to be more of me. I get to grow. I can’t imagine my life without him, but I don’t have to go there right now. I just want to be present to him, to his spirit and life, however that is being manifested, and to love him through the rest of his life with the greatest love that a son can give his father.
Closing doors. Opening doors. They’re all part of this wonderful journey we call life.
